Your perspective towards marriage in the first place determines how far your marriage will go because marriage is a university of no graduation and there's only four main ingredients that can make it work & last the way GOD wants.
The first question is why do you want to marry?
Many people these days marry for what they can get i.e only when the marriage will be in their favor and as such they disappear after grabbing the favor while some quit once they ascertain that their marriage didn't lead them to their dream promise land which inculcate that they want 'already made' marriage(100% complete, perfect and well built marital life).
1, Ingredient that make marriages works: is LOVE.
What's love?
Love as defined by dictionary is a profound and caring affection towards someone while i connote that love is to be selfless, to be selfless is to serve, to serve is to be humble, humility means being meek and meekness means your ability to condo things no matter what: that's why there's a saying that says "love is blind", hatred is blind & ignorant is blind as well.
Knowledge don't make a man but experience does.
A certain pastor once said that if you want to give someone work to do for you, & the first thing he or she elocute is money: don't give him or her that work because he/she's not in to give you value for your money, just as a certain TV station customers care will always call me and ask "when are you going to subscribe" instead of first asking me if i'm enjoying their service and why i haven't yet subscribed?
Is because am not impressed with what they show(they over repeat things which insinuate that they don't have new and good things to offer.
When you over do things it become forlorn.)
Doing one thing over and over expecting a different result is insanity.
They are after money.
Doing things for love means focusing on your focus to become a focus because your passion towards it is not looking at the future reward but on the blissfulness of it while reward come on its own
[quality brings quantity while quantity without quality leaves you empty].
Love is the only thing that can sustain you in marriage during time of challenges that's why those who wed for what they can get out of it disappear once what made them marry their spouse disappear.
The longevity of successful marriages is love.
I obviously have this credo: 'love me for who i am and not what i possess' because why "love is blind" is because love don't see the negative side of who you love, hatred is blind because hatred doesn't allow you to see the positive(good) side of people you hate no matter what they do - you can never be impressed & hatred originate from envy, envy conceive jealousy; if jealousy is not controlled it lead to hatred and if hatred is not well controlled - it lead to murder while love is generated from good character(behavior) because your attitude determines your altitude.
I'll never advocate parents coercing their children not to marry because of love.
The dream of every parents is to guide their children to be in the right hand but two things most parents don't cogitate while doing that match making is that :
If your child is not in love with the person you're match making for him/her; after the wedding day, he or she won't put their eyes down in that marriage which lead to marital decadence.
Don't allow your child plight anyone out of pity or reward.
"Make good choice - love choice, make wrong choice hate choice" because "a girls wrong choice is her woman begrudge" - anonymous.
As a parent your duty is to watch and investigate the choices your child is making, admonish and endorse them if they are right and not for selfish interest but if your child declined your parental advice given to him/her by you, there's no need for anxiety because he/she won't blame you when he/she ascertain your advice to be true.
"Love is like a ghost that everyone hears but only few people have seen" - anonymous.
So, it's possible that many parents don't belief in love but even if your parents antagonize your decision perhaps when you're right, that still doesn't give in room for rudeness because when everybody is talking nobody is talking and "all wrongs don't make a right".
A failure is somebody that listen to everybody and somebody that listen to nobody: so, you & your parents need to see sense and respect each others opinion but if your parents decision is based on selfish interest, there's no need of being arrogant because handling the issue in arrogance won't make your parents see you as a grown up man/lady, that's old enough to take his/her own decisions; rather it'll make them place a curse on you and being cursed by your biological parents is acutely exacerbated.
The best way to solve the mangy is to offer your parents the best things they love to cheer them up, invite the best people they honor, give them momentous reason why you chose that your paramour and ask those people your parents honors very much to persuade your parents and plead on your behalf.
Your parents must ask you of your paramours' vision and not ask about his or her fortune because if you marry someone with vision(foresight) perhaps he/she is morrowless poor: there's hope of making it in the future.
If you marry someone with fortune today but without vision: someday, some how, somewhere he or she is entitled to depreciate, decelerate and return to square one.
It takes vision to keep moving forward & overcoming your competitors.
"Action without vision is nightmare and vision without action is daydreaming." - anonymous saying.
Great things happen to those who dream great, & take great steps.
Nokia phone was known to be the strongest phones but today iphone and many more phone manufacturers with visions greater than nokia phone company are now selling more than nokia phones.
I will never advice anybody to marry anyone that have no 'vision'.
2. Ingredients that makes marriage work: UNDERSTANDING.
The level of understanding between couples determines the blissfulness of their marriage.
It's dreadfully noxious to meet someone today and wed him or her fortnight because you just met photocopy i.e why courtship is extremely encouraged but long term relationship or dating is not advised because many long term relationship or courtship obviously don't lead to marriage.
The first question you'd ask yourself is am i actually matured to go into marriage now or i just want to cause another societal decadence?
Age is just a number & doesn't guarantee ones maturity at all.
If you marry and fallaciously neglect your responsibilities - you've increased the societal decay in your community that's why we've many abandoned kids gallivanting hopelessly and obnoxiously in almost every street around our blessed country.
Maturity is the ability to handle what ever that comes across you, how good are you in handling issues well?
After seeing and meeting who you want to plight, the second question you'd ask yourself is; how well do i know this person?
Have i been able to study him or her in and out?
If you rush into marriage you'll malignantly & imperatively rush out of marriage as well because "them that fail to plan - plan to fail."
Don't rush into marriage simply because your family knew the person well because it's not your family that will live with the person till infinity and if you can't change him or her before marriage then you can't change him/her after marriage.
If you can understand what your spouse like and disgust, his/her weak point and energized point, it'll enlist you know when to talk and when not to infuriate your paramour but most cases what make people furious is not what you say but how you positioned your tongue to speak and your choice of words.
"Two captains don't ride a boat"{"Two kings don't rule a town"}
"Insanity don't fall on a family at the same time." - my mum.
Don't create enmity between your in-laws because as the saying goes, "what goes around comes around."
If you understand better you'll know better and do better because what you know will make you known.
GOD will never allow what you can't handle to confront you because there's no market with a way in without a way out but ignorant is blind.
The best way to solve any situated menace in life is to first discover the scourge[if you don't know where you are coming from, how do you expect to know where you're heading to?].
3, TRUST.
Don't marry someone you can't trust because the worst thing that can happen to a man is to marry a notorious woman.
Marrying somebody you can't trust might lead to your early grave.
It's not must to give your spouse 100% of your trust because eve in the bible betrayed the trust adam once had in her but you can implant at least 90% of your trust in your marriage in order to free your mind from agony. To free your mind means to be free from heart attack and "VP".
Once your mind is free from trouble you'll enjoy peace of mind.
To be truthful is to be trusted, to be trusted : is to be loyal, to be loyal ; is to be honored, to be honored: is to be great, to be great ; is to be celebrated.
4. TIME FREEDOM.
Time freedom is also significant in marriage because many marriages have collapsed today because of destitution.
Many women instigated to marital disloyalty because of lack of attention.
What is the essence of getting married when you know you can't be committed to .. perhaps you don't love your spouse?
If you don't love your wife there's no way you will love and cherish her kids(your children) because you spend your time only with people you love.
So, ask yourself how many percentage of my time do i need to bestow on my family and work ?
"Divided nation(family) will stand while divided nation(family) will fall" & "when men sleep the devil sow seeds" - bible.
So, i implore you to always give your family at least 60% of your time because "all work no play : make jack a dour boy and all play no work ; make jack a poor boy." - Philip Obin potech ceo.
The way you see your marriage is the way it'll eventually be because what you don't believe you can achieve and nobody will make your marriage work for your favor because the success of your marriage is obviously within you.
Once you are married as a man it's not good to be too heady all the time, always learn to hear your spouse and children out first(being too strict will inject fear in them and will induce them to always run for you, image your own family avoiding you.
If you're wrong always humble yourself by admitting that you are indeed wrong this time).
It's wise for married people to make friends with married people and be 100% selective of advice you plant in your marriage because what matters in learning chamber is not how serious & zealous you're to learn new things but how selective you're.
Be contented in your marriage and mind the people you mimic. That your friend that's advising you, your marriage and his/her own which one is better? Wrong direction lead to wrong destination.
It is not everything your friends tell you that you need to allow to digest in you because in every none-SENSE there is 'sense', so learn to grab the sense and leave him/her with the none; if not your marriage will automatically and sarcastically defunct because those your friends will soon commence to tell you when, where, how and when not to copulate with your spouse!
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